I was contemplating a partnership. It goes well beyond simply dissecting an idea. After this long, an idea can be an avalanche of emotion or a fleeting comment, like a wisp you think you’ve heard. I can’t sleep. It’s almost been occurring in the background without my knowledge, a silent understudy to characters oblivious to a play they’re in.
I know how to foil relationships. I know what is necessary to destroy them, to casually leave destruction scattered behind me. I have succeeded in unsuccessful relationships to the point where I could create it’s statue from marble, to marvel at it. I wish I felt worse.
I’m in a good place now. The best I have been in my adult life. Finally balanced. This comes at a cost. True vision hurts. Rose coloured glasses obliterated. Maybe that’s why this ‘thing’ is choosing to flourish for discussion now. It’s been held captive in an relationship ice age waiting for my maturity and growth to thaw it from incarceration. Relying on it. But what it is necessary for a successful relationship? What ingredients are required to take the next step.
How do you teach faith. I don’t have a bible. I have a jar of tears. They’re not mine.
Feelings are free. Behaviour will cost you every time.
I Imagine that a successful relationship is an entity of it’s own. It is completely independent in thought and feeling, needing to be nurtured during it’s exposure to the world for the first time. When two people decide to present it to the world, it’s normally met with excitement and joy. Try and wipe the smile off the face of a man in love. A relationship has it’s own identity. Spawning from two people who decide to put love into something in it’s infancy and being prepared to watch it grow.
Growth is never easy. Either is regret. I have few, but they’re sewn into me… stopping the haemorrhaging… but it has to find a way out and I can’t cry any more. Not by choice, I emotionally beat that out myself many moons ago.
A new born relationship requires nurturing, love and care from the first day. No expectations. No prerequisites. Paying attention to who someone is rather than who we want them to be is a good start. Can we imagine dictating to a child their role in this world?
If we show a relationship anger, it will become scared and fail to reach it’s full potential. If we show a relationship deceit it will never show trust in us. A relationship needs attention. Basic attention. Specified time allocated to doing nothing at all, but doing it together.
I show fierce loyalty. As much wisdom as I can bestow, without the blinkers on. Arrogance can be substantiated through pride and suffocation. That’s not what I want. I want peace of mind. So when I hold my darlings hand I can imagine a little person in between us, asking us to swing them along. We can watch them grow. As long we’re honest with our thoughts, feelings and behaviour, it can work. What you take into a room is normally what you leave with. Give the relationship the priority it deserves. Fight the Gods for it if necessary. But be sure to tuck it in at night, caress it’s cheek gently. Stare into it eyes. Love it unconditionally.
I am afraid to end this. Fearful of my spell I’m engraving.
‘The cost of my desire. Sleep now in the fire’ – Z. De La Rocha