I’ve just arrived here to the capital of midlife crisis, a place visited by many, advertised a lot but I couldn’t find any positive reviews. The trip took over 30 years and I enjoyed most parts of it, just not the sequences where i’m sitting down. It’s hot in places it shouldn’t be and vacant where it should be filled. As much as it makes me feel uncomfortable, the spectrum of this new unknown has left me feeling sickly coy. I role this jewel in my hands i dare not look at, like a scared Gollum, it’s just too bright. I think no one knows what i hold and I giggle at my selfish insight.
I have asked myself improbable questions and if I discover the answers it will be subject to change, criticism and critique forever. Forever being defined by about forty years, give or take. Unless my soul attaches itself to another entity to be reborn. I’m not counting on it but i like the notion.
Now presenting the ‘mid’ in the motion picture ‘mid-life’ starring a man on his first day in the same world.
Who Am I? What Defines Me? Why Am I Here?
I am a product of parental manufacture. A unique result of reproduction. I am branded. I am defined by my parents and their personalities and behaviours.
I am a product of western environment. A spoiled, ruthless quest at satisfaction. I am the victim. I am defined by my residence, bank account and clothes i choose to wear.
I am here to reproduce.
Is anyone’s self description accurate? Or just clouded by the arrogant or detrimental smoke swallowing a self perceived class in society?
We are defined by others through our actions. We define ourselves by our thoughts. Who i am changes pending my mood. Who they think i am changes pending my behaviour.
Curiosity is a cruel trick replayed at every instance, but why? Maybe the jester can see us and laughs constantly at our obsessions. I would.
What legacy do i want to leave? Normally they last about three generations, i do not know my great grandfather’s name or what he stood for. I want to leave a good legacy. A legacy my son is proud of.
I have checked in at this hotel i have never seen and stayed at one thousand times before. Inner peace is being advertised on television and i regret not booking that trip instead. I hope i’m not here very long, I enjoy aspects of this trip, but i find myself sitting down a lot.
I am happy to have this trick up my sleeve. It is helping define myself… or maybe it isn’t.